I was never the marrying kind. In the movie, A Good Woman, Mrs. Erlynne, played by Helen Hunt, said that being married was like being shut up in a room that got smaller every year. That was my fear about marriage.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you’re willing to learn the tools and face your own patterns, marriage can be deeply satisfying.

It’s not always easy. Your marriage can get worn down by your job, your children, and just the pace of everyday living. It happens to me all the time. I have a husband working in technology, with has his own dreams, goals, and challenges; a 12-year-old stepdaughter; and a counseling and training business.

A committed relationship homes in on your negative beliefs and unrealized desires like a laser. That’s not comfortable! Your fight or flight response drives you to look the other way, or lash out in anger. But that tension is actually an engraved invitation to understand yourself and your partner, if you can find the courage to accept it.

When you do, you build a bond that is unique and irreplaceable. You also find the kind of support that expands your possibilities. Life is good!

My experience in mental health is wide-ranging, including counseling for anxiety and depression, crisis work in emergency rooms, finding homes for foster children, counseling abused women, and mediated parenting agreements between divorced parents.